Why We Settle

headshot9_websmallSometimes it’s really easy to take the path of least resistance, especially when you are comfortable and things are convenient. You’ve done it right?  We’ve all done it at some point in our lives. At some point, you made a decision to stop there, either temporarily (until you realized what you were actually doing) or permanently. Either way, at some point, you decided that you weren’t going any further. Be it a job, a spouse or lifestyle, many people just stop in mid air. You were soaring to new heights in your life and all of the sudden you stopped. What happened?

You fell in love and you thought love was enough to make up for the lack of everything else that you really need in a relationship. Or, once you got a nice salary and benefits, plus the work environment is everything you’ve ever wanted, you decide to chill as an employee instead of diving into that business you want to start. Or perhaps you are a spiritual person; someone who is tuned in to the rhythm of life and God and you believe that there is deeper and greater truth than what you’ve been told, but you settle – because it’s easier to just be told who and what God is rather than to search for yourself.

So what’s the deeper issue?

There are some who believe that what they have is all that they are able to get so they stop there. And there are others who are afraid of stepping out into the unknown. Fear is one of the main reasons why people settle.  If you’ve settled into a job or career that’s unfulfilling, you may fear that the cost of following your dreams and starting your own business is too great. If you’ve settled in a relationship that’s unfulfilling, you may fear that you will end up alone if you try to do better. If you’ve settled for a religion or spiritual perspective that is unfulfilling, you may have been taught to fear learning anything outside of what that doctrine teaches. In any case, fear will always cause you to stop dead in your tracks and it will always cause you to feel trapped, empty and alone, even while in a relationship or surrounded by people. Fear creates illusion and suffocates its victims. It grips and stagnates you until you either see it for what it is and overcome it, or until it kills your dreams, peace and joy.

Ultimately, we settle for less when we don’t know who we are, what we’re worth or what we’re really capable of.  So the way to remedy that is to simply know thy self. When you know who you are, what you are worth and what you are capable of achieving, then fear cannot hold you back and you will not settle for less than what you were created to be, do and have.

So how do you find out who you are, what you’re worth and what you’re really capable of?

The first step is to understand what you currently believe about yourself that is keeping you trapped in unfulfilling circumstances. This is where introspection comes in handy. When you take the time to examine the thoughts that you think on a regular basis, you get a pretty good idea about who you think you are.

For example, if your thoughts are negative and self-condemming most of the time, then that tells you that you have a belief in your subconscious mind that is working against you. You may subconsciously believe that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, talented enough, loved enough etc. You may also find that you’re deeply angry about something that may have happened a long time ago that you never got over. Many negative thoughts about ourselves and others are rooted in unresolved anger and unforgiveness of others and/or ourselves. And because we attract people and circumstances that harmonize with our dominant thought patterns and subconscious beliefs, this anger attracts more people and circumstances to be angry about, and that leads to more feelings of being angry, misunderstood, unloved, devalued, etc. and it becomes a vicious cycle that all started with a belief that turned into your dominant thought patterns.

Also, if you were mentally, physically, emotionally, or verbally abused or neglected growing up, on some level, you were programmed to believe that you deserve to be punished. And if you’ve never healed your pain and your past, then you will continue to create circumstances to validate this belief. Don’t believe me? There are scientific studies to prove this model.

Studies conducted by neuroscientists have shown that the conscious mind contributes to only 1 to 5% of our conscious day to day decisions, actions, emotions and behavior. It is the hidden subconscious beliefs that you hold about yourself that contribute to 95% of your decisions, actions, emotions and behavior. When you realize that 95 to 99% of your life comes from what is hidden in your subconscious mind, you begin to understand why you actually don’t understand why you do what you do, or feel the way that you feel. And you won’t until you begin to intentionally explore this aspect of you. Many with severe issues seek the help of various types of therapists.  Others, who may not have severe mental or emotional disturbances, may hire a life coach.  Then there are some who heal themselves through various tools that I’ll get into below. These are all ways to help you examine those beliefs that, like an iceberg, are mostly hidden beneath the surface.

Essentially, you find out who you really are once you move past the realm of your physical mind altogether and begin seeing yourself from your higher mind. Your higher mind is that part of you that sees life through the eyes of God, so to speak. This is the realm where you no longer look at yourself from a limited egoic perspective, rather from the perspective of Spirit/God. When you access the higher mind, you access divine vision, wisdom, inspiration, genius and creativity. Then once you realize who you are from the perspective of Spirit, you begin to realize that you are actually priceless, worth more than you ever could imagine. You realize that your possibilities are infinite and that you are capable of doing what you never thought possible. So how do you access this state of mind and being?

Useful Tools

This is why tools such as meditation are so useful because they allow you to go deeper within yourself than you typically go on a day to day basis. And once you explore the hidden layers of your mind and see the lies that are in there, then you can begin to correct the unconscious beliefs that are inconsistent with who you really want to be and the life that you really want to have.

Meditation also allows you to move beyond the realm of thought and enter into the higher mind, where your true self is revealed. And yes, there are many other tools like prayer, affirmations, yoga and visualization that you can use to reprogram your lower mind and enter into the realm of your higher, spiritual mind as well, but none get you there faster than meditation.

Don’t just read about how to change your life and mind, take action!

The next Intro to Meditation Class is Monday March 3rd (TONIGHT) where you will not only learn how to meditate, but you will also receive other practical tools that you can use to begin reprogramming your subconscious and unconscious mind so that you can stop settling for less than what you truly want in life.

Space is limited, click here for more info and to sign up!

  2 comments for “Why We Settle

  1. whitney jones
    March 3, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    You hit the nail on the head with this one. so many times in life we settle for things that we think we want or need but it the long run it’s not what God wants us to have. Like you stated when we settle we are missing out on so much that God wants us to have. We tend to get content of the things that we have and we think it is all that we need and that’s not true. a wise well educated women once told me that the emptiness you fell with that career or person is Gods way of saying this isn’t it there is more out there you just need to step out on faith which is hard to do but everyone must do it sometime in there life.

    • Selena J
      March 5, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      Yes Whitney, I’m smiling big. I’m so glad that you decided to listen to that wise woman (wink)! Blessings to you!

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